Thoughts on Motherhood

Truth be told, I never liked having my own kids. Growing up, I witnessed how difficult it is to raise little critters with non stop energy making the house all filthy. Little boys wrestling each other, one crying out loud and the other is having an evil laugh. Not to mention endless quarrels over toys, food or just about anything.  Yes, I am talking about me and my brothers. My mom, a public school teacher, would go home, very tired and still would check on our notebooks for assignments and would make “reviewers” for the 3 of us. She would cook dinner, clean us, put us to bed and will go back making her lesson plans.  Of course, I didn’t then realize how hard it was. But I know, I can see it that my mom gets tired every single day. Every. Single. Day.

I remember a tragic story years back when I was still working in a bank. I cannot remember her age but a young girl, walking on the sidewalk was hit by some drunk, irresponsible guy driving a very fast car and sadly, she died. She was my brother’s highschool classmate, and also our neighbor. I was shocked! We went to her wake and I saw her mom weeping, crying her heart out because she lost her very precious daughter. Sigh!

That’s when I told myself, I never would want to have kids of my own. I don’t want to experience such terrifying incident in my life. I will not be able to take it. I cannot lose someone I love! Thoughts that linger in my mind that time. Imagine all the sacrifices, the efforts, the memories… All will be put into waste in just one blink of an eye. I was convinced, having kids is not for me. I don’t want to have kids! I wasn’t sure though if I was just afraid. But one thing is certain, I am being selfish.

Fast forward to January 23, 2012, my life has changed. We were blessed to have a baby girl – a very cute and healthy baby girl. I couldn’t believe it, I now have a kid! She’s mine. My very own.

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What an angel!

 Things weren’t so easy. My husband works in Shanghai, so after some weeks after I gave birth, he flew back to work. I was left with Lia. From day 1, we were together. We were never apart. This is when I told myself, this is it. I have to do this.

Lia at 8 months

My little gremlin

I didn’t know where to start, I have never been a mother! But luckily, things went on smoothly. I never had any “major” hassle since then. Ang dali lang talaga. Well okay, hindi talaga madali. I just said it was easy because I was able to do it. I was able to take care of Lia, the best way possible. Because I breastfeed her, I was awake most of the time. I couldn’t catch an hour nap. I was really exhausted! I should be there when she gets hungry, when she gets wet, wants to play or just when she needed a hug. From towering heels, crazy night outs, endless shopping, bonding with cigars and beer, my life just turned upside down. I am now somebody who sings lullabyes, makes healthy snacks, reads Dr. Seuss’ books, recites These Little Piggy and tucks a little girl to bed. That is when I realize, doing these things made me a different person. I never thought I could be that someone who would think less of herself and just do everything for someone. I never thought I could love someone I knew for only a couple of months. I became unselfish, I loved deeply, I laughed genuinely. And that made me a better person.

How can you not love her?

This is me and Lia

Like my mom, I get tired each day. I clean and mop a dirty house, I prepare meals 3x a day, I homeschool a toddler, I do the laundry, iron the clothes, attend to her needs – all of her basic needs… But because I do this for love. I am happy, genuinely happy – Every. Single. Day.

Xoxo, Annie

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