Lia’s already asleep as I am writing this. As I look at her, I say to myself “Oh, how much you’ve grown!” Can’t help but think about the days that we have been through. The days I have been stressing a lot over… Uhm… Well, practically, I was stressing about nothing too serious.
I am a first time mom. I almost lost my mind the time that my after giving birth glory faded. You know, when all the happy moments of “Congratulations” and “She’s so cute” moments are over. The time when the real life as a mother began.
I have always been so stressed about small things especially when Lia was starting to get older and bigger – when I felt we needed to do more things. I was worried about our schedule. Naku kailangan 8am gising na si Lia. Kailangan before 8:30 makakain na siya ng breakfast. Dapat 9:30 playtime na hanggang 10:30 tapos kailangan makapagbasa kami ng isang book. Kailangan makakain siya by 12noon tapos makaligo na then siesta. Tapos konting aral tapos laro. Pero kailangan by 8pm bed time na. 8:30pm impunto kailangan makatulog na si Lia, kailangan ma-complete ang tulog niya. I don’t see naman anything bad with schedules. Ako kasi, I grew up following a schedule. My mom’s a teacher, mahigpit sa oras and Papa would want us din to have a routine. Kailangan mag stick ka sa schedule talaga. The thing is, I get really frustrated and sometimes pissed pag di kami nakakasunod sa tamang oras. Not only I am stressing about schedules, Nastress din ako sa maliliit na bagay. Like if Lia’s bored ba, kailangan ko siyang aliwin. Kailangan walang idle time, lagi dapat busy. Imagine, ang bata bata pa niya… When we go out naman super stressed ako sa surroundings. What if someone sneeze? Tapos malanghap ni Lia? Paano kung mahawakan niya madumi tapos she’ll eat her hands, sumakit yung tyan. Naku kasalanan ko yun. Lagi akong maraming dala. Like 2 big bags because I always bring our house! Yeah, yun ang sabi ng close friends ko. Para daw akong magoovernight e check up lang naman ni Lia at magmamall lang kami. You know… those things. Sounds a bit senseless but if you’re a mom, you know what I’m talking about.
Things got worse when we moved in to Shanghai to be with my husband. When I told you earlier I lost my mind when I started taking care of Lia, I almost lost my sanity and I was overwhelmed when it’s just only my husband, me and Lia. Wala ng helper, wala na si Mama, wala na ang mga brothers ko and Papa. They were all left at home. My husband works 8am-5pm, sometimes extended because they need to beat a deadline. He works in a construction firm so he can be really busy pag may projects in the office pero there are times naman na relaxed lang din. So yung mga times na super busy siya at nasa office, I was left with Lia and all the chores at home. My goodness, hindi talaga ako domesticated. I know how to work at home but not with a toddler, and all the chores in the house. Yeah, ALL talaga. I took it on me na I will be the one to take care of the house na since my husband’s tired from work when he gets home. Of course, di nawala ang stress ko with schedules! Plus nadagdagan pa with other things. Do we still have rice? Milk? Salt? Sugar? I started thinking almost about everything – electricity due dates, menu for the week, lessons for homeschooling. Basta lahat. I think that’s what really a homemaker does. Ang difference lang sakin, I get too stressed.
My husband told me to just relax and breathe and be easy on myself. Schedules if broken, then okay, there’s still tomorrow. Pwedeng magschedule ulit. When Lia doesn’t want to eat and just wants to play (which sometimes happen lang naman) we can try again later. The bills, stocks in the pantry, lessons for homeschooling, just do them one day at a time. It’s just a matter of perspective. How you see things, how will you react on certain situations. I then realized, I have not been living my life, THE LIFE! I mean, we have a beautiful one. We are together as a family, we have more than enough for our needs and wants, we are all healthy, we don’t have loans and debts, we can travel, eat whatever and wherever. I should be thankful, I should enjoy these.
That was when I started to exhale, relax and be more loose. I never realized that steaks and lobsters and bisque and salads were all that good until I ate them with peace in my mind, without any worries. The days became light and fun for me, for us. We now look forward to any travels and dining outs. My husband is extremely happy. We work hand in hand to meet all the schedules and make things work. And everything went so well. The stars are aligned, all in favor of us.
I am now having the time of my life! I enjoy each moment, each giggle, each meal with Chi and Lia because everytime I look at them, I am constantly reminded that my life is beautiful. And no broken schedules can ruin that thought. INHALE. EXHALE and SMILE.